Nancy first reached out to us and shared her story about how her husband’s addiction to pornography threatened to destroy their marriage.
My husband and I have been married for almost two years. About 5 months ago, I found out my husband had been living a double life. From 9 to 5 Monday through Friday, he would be addicted to watching pornography… (read more)
Sadly, we knew her story was not too uncommon and that others would benefit from hearing it, but we also wanted to help her.
So we hooked her up with John Murphy, the founder of Rock House Center, to get some Biblical counseling, during out new Hot Mess segment.
Her husband’s addiction became Nancy’s emotional problem. “I totally felt like I was not good enough, I felt very low. My self esteem just completely dropped to the floor.”
However, John was able to give her a healthy new perspective. He told Nancy she was letting a lie about her not being good enough turn into a belief, and that was becoming her internal narrative that was simply not true.
Her husband’s issue was in place long before they even met, so it had nothing to do with her not being good enough.
In a way, Nancy was lucky because her husband was actually remorseful. “He showed a lot of repentance and regret, he also came clean about secrets in his life nobody knew about, like abuse from his childhood.”
John gave Nancy some hope when he told her that her husband’s willingness to shed light on his PlugLust past and his sins was a huge statement about his humility and transparency, which would facilitate his healing.
One of the big takeaways, not only for Nancy, but for everyone who is dealing with someone that is struggling with an addiction, is that people need empathy and grace as they work on the heart issues that have lead them to this dark place.
We need to remember they are human, and even in their recovery they will make mistakes. John said, “People do not do self destructive things when their heart is at peace.”
It is easy to us to forget or mitigate the struggle someone has if we are not broken in the same way. So empathy, while it does not constitute condoning actions, is a gift we can give to help our loved ones heal.
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