3 Things My Skin Disorder Has Taught Me

“It’s a lack of pigment called Vitiligo and it’s what Michael Jackson had.”

This is literally what my dermatologist said to me at 16 years old when I went in with a white spot on my hand. I was pretty devastated to be juggling high school body insecurities, looking for a prom date, and discovering that this white spot would eventually effect my whole body. TOTALLY not the news I was hoping for.

Over the years, my faith in Jesus has informed not only how I see myself but how I process my ever changing skin. How you think about your body is actually a really big deal and can tie into every area of your life. So I wanted to share some of the things my vitiligo has taught me in case it help you too.

Confidence isn’t always a feeling, it can be a choice.

I can’t tell you the number of times that I wish I had gotten a spray tan before a big event or noticed my vitiligo in a photo and fixated on it. I do not always feel confident in this skin, but it’s the only skin I’ve got. Most days, I forget about it; but in the summer, I see people staring and wonder what they are thinking. You do not have to feel confident to decide to be that way. I have witnessed confidence growing in me over the years. It is truly settling into who God has made me – which can feel new each year as more of my pigment disappears. However, it’s also a mindset. I decided a while ago that what my skin looks like is the least interesting thing about me and so I carry myself that way. In fact, that is probably why it took so long to even share any of this with you because I doesn’t come to mind as a key part of who I am. My identity is in Christ and who He says that I am. I am learning to be confident in who God made me to be. Our outward appearance is such a small part of the story we have to tell.

Say the truth even before you believe it.

What you speak out loud matters. Sometimes I’m saying what I am struggling to believe. However, speaking it out loud reinforces the truth I want to believe - this sits heavy with me because of my kids. They hear how I talk about my body and I want them to hear me talk about it in a positive way. If I tell them we are made in the image of God then I should carry myself with that truth as well. 

When kids used to say "What's wrong with your skin?" I would give a very informative answer. “It’s called vitiligo- a skin disorder. I don’t have as much color or pigment in my skin as you do.” But I would see their eyes glaze over and they would say, “Ok!” and run away. Now when a kid asks, I see an opportunity. What they really want to know is why I’m different and what it’s like for me. So now my answer sounds more like, “God made my skin super special and unlike anyone else’s. Isn’t that cool? Isn’t it beautiful?! God made us all unique and different. I’m sure there are things about you that are super special too!”  I love seeing their eyes light up as they ponder how they are different and how it makes them special.  I want to show them with my words and how I carry myself that our uniqueness is beautiful and reveals God’s creativity. 

Embrace how God has made you.

The first time someone told me my skin was “beautiful” I honestly thought they were lying. I was celebrating Easter with my friend Kristen’s family and her brother made a comment about it to her. I thought I had heard her wrong. Beautiful? Interesting, maybe, but not beautiful! I was just taken aback. I hadn’t even processed how my skin could be anything but a distraction or an oddity. Then slowly over the years, more people told me they thought it was so lovely. When model Winnie Harlow appeared on America’s Next Top Model, I had never seen anyone on tv with vitiligo before and I was mesmerized. She carried herself with such poise! She was gorgeous and talented! She never let her skin deter or make her seem less than the other contestants. Even though she didn’t win the show that season, she left a forever impression on me. Instead of hiding this skin with fake tanner, maybe I could rock it?  

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Living with vitiligo has taught me that beauty isn’t about blending in, it’s about reflecting God’s creativity in how we each are made. Every new patch of white skin tells the story of a God who doesn’t make mistakes, and I’m learning to see that story as beautiful. So whatever your “difference” may be, may you learn to love it as part of how God is revealing His masterpiece through you.