I can count the number of boys I’ve dated on one hand. I regret a lot of those dates, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t learn something. There are relatively few specific memories I can point out, but I do remember 3 specific phrases from boyfriends past that I think will stick with me for the rest of my life.

"Not every date is going to be magic."

This came after I was in an over-emotional panic, not feeling like I was even cared about. We had gone to see a (truly terrible) movie and I was almost in tears because I had high expectations - like romantic comedy expectations - for every single time we went out. He was right. Not every date - and not every day for the rest of your life - is going to be magic. And it’s okay.

"If you’re not fighting, someone’s not thinking."

We had couple friends who were always agreeing and never having any real discussion about anything. When I wondered aloud if it was okay that we didn’t agree on something, I remember him saying that it was great because it meant that I hadn’t lost my identity, but instead could still think for myself. And that’s what he liked.

"Matters of the heart get messy."

Breakups. Relationships. Love. It’s all messy. The good. The bad. It all messes with you. It’s normal. It happens to everyone. The people we love the most also have the potential to hurt us the most. It’s the risk that makes us trust that makes relationships hit high, highs and low, lows.

What’s the last lesson you learned from something hard?