Things I’ve Learned in My 50s (That I’m Still Learning)

Before I start, I should probably admit something.

These aren't lessons I've mastered. They're things I've learned—and things I still struggle to put into practice consistently. Even at 58 years old, I'm realizing I'm still very much a work in progress.

Actually, there you go. That's a bonus lesson I learned in my 50s.

1. You Can't Define Someone by One Moment of Weakness

We're all human. We all make mistakes.

I would hate for someone to sum up my entire life by one bad decision or one less-than-perfect moment when I wasn't the best version of myself.

We all want grace for our mistakes. That means we need to be willing to extend grace just as freely as we'd like to receive it.

 2. You Earn Your Work-Life Balance

Hearing young people who have barely worked a day in the real world talk about needing work-life balance sometimes sends me through the roof.

When you're young, you often have to put in more work than you'd like. You're building experience, credibility, and trust. In many ways, you're earning the right to have more balance later.

The trick when you hit your 50s is actually cashing that chip in.

That's harder than it sounds.

After decades of conditioning yourself to work, slowing down can make you feel guilty. But eventually you have to remind yourself that even at a slower pace, you're probably still putting in more effort than many of the people around you.

 3. The Joke Isn't Always Worth It

Betty Rock will give this one a hearty "Amen."

Because of what I do for a living, I've often treated the joke as the highest calling. If something was funny, I thought it was worth saying—regardless of whether feelings got hurt or a situation became awkward.

But I've learned that just because something is funny doesn't mean it needs to be said.

You'll survive if you keep the joke to yourself. And you'll spend a lot less time apologizing to people you unintentionally hurt.

 4. Overreact in Private

Being passionate and being a verbal processor is a dangerous combination when things go sideways. Throw in being an Enneagram 8, and people can find themselves on the receiving end of a pretty impressive hissy fit.

If you need to rant, do it in private with people you trust—people who understand you're processing your emotions, not making permanent decisions.

It's much better to vent in private than undo the damage you did in public.

 I'm still working on this one, but I have gotten better.

5. Everyone Doesn't Have to Be Like You for You to Like Them

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is having friends who don't think exactly like you.

Surround yourself with people who see the world differently. People who challenge your assumptions, ask uncomfortable questions, and occasionally make you say, "I've never thought about it that way."

If everyone in your circle agrees with you all the time, you're probably living in an echo chamber. And echo chambers may feel comfortable, but they rarely help us grow.

Different perspectives make us wiser. Different personalities make life more interesting. Different experiences stretch our understanding of the world—and, if we're honest, often make us laugh a whole lot more.

I've learned that I don't need people to validate every opinion I have in order to enjoy being around them. In fact, some of the people I've learned the most from are the ones I disagree with the most.

 6. Enjoy the Moment You're In

This is probably the hardest lesson for me.

Whether it's work or my personal life, I have a tendency to always look ahead to the next thing. The problem is that while I'm focused on tomorrow, I often miss what's happening today.

I've missed moments with my family. I've missed opportunities to celebrate accomplishments at work. Not because they weren't meaningful—but because mentally I'd already moved on.

One memory still sticks with me.

I took my family to the Grand Canyon. After about five minutes, I was ready to leave.

Forget stopping long enough to take in the majesty of God's creation—I missed the chance to experience it through my daughter's eyes.

For me, it had become another item to check off a list.

So if there's one thing this recovering "moment misser" would encourage you to do, it's this:

Slow down.

Be present.

Find the joy in the moment you're living right now, so you don't spend the next decade looking back and realizing you missed the life that was happening while you were busy planning the next thing.